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There are no second chances at making a spectacular first
impression. Those first few seconds of contact become a benchmark
for every subsequent impression you make. We are a world in
a hurry, an accelerated pace keeps us competitive, instant
assumptions often lead to immediate decisions to accept or
reject a job, a deal, or even a potential lover. In romance
many of us, especially anyone who has been around the block,
take a WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) approach. Why
second-guess the obvious? In just under ten seconds, enough
time to read the first few lines of an email, glance at a
profile or extend your hand and offer a friendly "hello,"
someone is forming a first and lasting impression of you.
Is it a good one?
Your Profile As A First Impression
Your profile is a uniquely personal introduction. Think of
it as equivalent to not only what you say when first meeting
a potential date, but also what you are wearing, your posture,
eye contact, the firmness of your handshake--even your makeup,
perfume or cologne. While there is no one profile style that
suits everyone, a charming, humorous, poignant, creative or
otherwise distinctly unique approach may improve your results.
Likewise, there are some general breeches of romantic protocol
and self-expression that should be avoided. You wouldn't show
up late, wear a soiled jacket, or chew with your mouth open
on a first date at a fine restaurant, so don't behave inappropriately
or to your romantic detriment in your profile.
* Use an uncommon or striking headline. Avoid boring demographic
descriptions like "SF Seeks SM for LTR." Instead,
have some fun. Be daring! Elicit an emotion! Express yourself!
* Proofread. Spelling, punctuation and grammar are as important
as content. Think of the presentation of your message as a
way of dressing for a date. While clothes don't make the man
(or woman), no one wants to appear shoddy or unkempt.
* Say it with style. What you say may not be as important
as how you say it. Play with language. Write poetry. Tell
a story. Perform stand-up comedy.
* Be less-than perfect. Regardless of the style you choose
or the language you use to express yourself, be careful not
to extol your many virtues to the point of boredom, or even
suspicion. No one can be that perfect. Your minor faults and
charming inconsistencies make you human, interesting and approachable.
* Avoid sending up red flags. Don't whine, complain or drivel
on about any problems in your life. Refrain from casting yourself
in the role of the victim, the egregiously wronged, or the
emotionally mortally wounded. Never use the word "desperate,"
or bring up war stories from past relationships. Be positive
and optimistic. Chaos, depression and drama aren't attractive
attributes.
Your Email As A First Impression
Your first email is like the beginning of a cocktail party
conversation. Introduce yourself appropriately. Listen as
much as you talk. Show interest in the other person. Be confident,
but also genuine. Make eye contact. Connect.
As with your profile, first emails should follow basic rules
for presentation and content. Experiment and find a style
that works for you. Use the subject line like a headline,
proofread, be creative, positive and genuine. Avoid anything
canned or trite. Pick-up lines don't work and you will rarely
make a good first impression, or get a response using one.
First emails should always be individually written and work
best when conversational in style. Mention something about
the recipient's profile. Where did you sense a connection?
Ask a question or two and include some brief information about
yourself. It's OK to flirt or tease a little, even during
your first contact, but keep things light and friendly.
First Impressions In The Real World
If all goes well, your spectacular profile and carefully crafted
emails will eventually lead to a first date in the real world.
Although you may feel as though you already know each other,
you have yet to become familiar with each other's physical
presence, and that can take some getting used to. First face-to-face
encounters can be awkward or even shocking, regardless of
the positive feelings you already have for each other.
You make your best real-world first impression by being calmly
and confidentially yourself. Try to enjoy the nervous energy
you are feeling. Have fun. Remember to smile. People are perceived
as more attractive when they are having a good time. Your
date will form an immediate first (physical) impression of
you, usually in under ten seconds, based on some combination
of these attributes:
posture
walk
body language
attire
physical characteristics
smile/facial features
handshake
grooming
scent/perfume
eye contact
perceived confidence
perceived comfortableness
Inside Information On Positive And Negative Impressions
Several hundred single men and women attending dating and
flirting classes were asked to list the attributes they find
attractive and unattractive in a potential partner. Below
is a list of the most frequent responses. Although many of
these attributes may not be immediately apparent, most will
show up sometime during a first date.
Attributes Leading To A Positive Impression:
warmth
sense of humor
imagination
confidence
success
fitness
individuality
body language
conversational ability
aspiration
power
creativity
kindness
Attributes Leading To A Negative Impression:
self-centered
closed minded and judgmental
lack of manners
poor conversational ability
negative life attitude
lack of education
immature
indecisive/without an opinion
lack of integrity
war stories from past relationships
whining and complaining
shallowness
only interested in sex
power games and manipulation
materialistic
There are no do-overs when it comes to first impressions,
yet many of us fail to put our best foot forward during early
romantic encounters. We want to be loved for who we are and
are leery to "package" ourselves in any way. This
is understandable, but not always realistic. Dating is a numbers
game and, like it or not, dating occurs in a competitive environment.
The next positive, first romantic impression you make may
turn into life-long love--not a bad return on a relatively
minor investment.
Take the first step towards making a great first impression.
Create your personal profile at OneandOnly.com
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