| Okay, so you date people hoping that one of these
days you will come across the right person, the one you will
make the greatest romantic connection with. But does it feel
like you are going nowhere and believe that you just have no
luck with meeting the right people? Feel like you are lost and
doomed in this whole dating business? Stop feeling sorry for
yourself!
The reality of this situation is that luck has nothing to
do with it. If you are like many people, you are probably
dating blindfolded, without even realizing that you are doing
so. If you feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied with your dating
patterns, then it is time for you to take a few steps back
to see where things went wrong for you. Think you have been
doing everything right? Think again! If you look back, you
will be surprised to learn that you got so caught up in just
the whole dating experience, that you forgot what to look
out for and neglected your true needs and desires. What are
you really looking for in a lover? What are your needs and
desires? What qualities are important for a person to have
and what other qualities are you willing to compromise with
and accept?
Getting back in touch with what you are really looking for
will help prevent you from staying in the dating scene forever.
It is essential that you observe your actions and decisions,
making sure that you do not continue to date certain people
in the name of dating. If you find that you are not sharing
the connection you crave with a person, then you must discontinue
with dating that person. Sure, you will feel bad for hurting
that persons feelings, but what you must remember is that
there is nothing too personal or emotional between the two
of you anyway, so just throw that excuse out- and just break
it off, in a polite manner of course! This is where so many
get stuck, mistaking casual trial dates, with a personal and
emotional relationship. This may sound too business-like for
your taste, but this is the way it goes in the real world
of dating. If you spend your time trying to spare people hurt
or disappointment, then you have been doing it all wrong.
This does not mean that you have to be harsh and rude, but
it does mean that you have to make finding the right person
a first and high priority for, not worrying about what other
people with think of you.
Which moves us to the next essential point in dating. While
it is normal that you fix yourself up to make a great impression
on your date, it is not the most important thing that you
should focus on. In fact, so many dating singles out there
worry so much about what their date will think, that they
totally forgot the purpose of the date- to find out whether
or not they will find the connection they are seeking. No
matter how you fix yourself and what manners or personality
you put on, you will never be in control of what your date
will think or feel about the date, so set that unnecessary
stress aside. Instead, shift your focus about what you will
think about him or her. Observe everything about them. Do
YOU like their appearance? Does their personality appeal to
YOU? Do YOU feel that you are making a good connection? As
you can see, it is what you think that is important here,
because you are the one looking for the right person, as well
as certain qualities. Leave what they think, up to them!
The fear of being single forever can cloud your good judgment,
causing you to continue seeing a person who you know you are
not entirely satisfied with. You will do this because you
will try to convince yourself that maybe you have been too
picky and being with anybody, even if you are not crazy about
him or her, is better than nobody. Stop lying to yourself!
You do not have to get stuck with someone you are not entirely
happy with, nor do you have to be single forever. Being honest
and up front from the beginning is what will get you where
you want to be and whom you want to be with. Do not worry
that you may scare off someone by telling him or her exactly
what expectations you have and how serious of a relationship
you are looking for. Look at this way, if they get scared
that quickly, then it is a sign that they were not looking
for the same thing as you are, so it saves you time and you
can then move on to dating someone else.
As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses,
know what your really want, stick to it and make it clear
to the people that you date, then you will be safe from too
many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When
you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously
and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or
her, and when you do- you will finally be able to begin the
kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed
and deserve.
Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com
helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital,
sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.
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